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An open letter

An open letter to a woman who has just gone through hell,

No one understands. Not your mother, not your family, not your friends. Not even your husband. Not really. He loved it just as much as you did but he didn't have it in his body. He didn't feel the hormones--the emotions that are real and so strong-- go away. He didn't feel the nausea subside. A relief but also the worst sign. He's trying and you need him but it's not the same.

Not the internet with the millions of posts with code words like TTC and 3m4d because this is so common. It's so common but so unique. There is no post that will tell you what's going to happen. How you can get through. How you're going to be happy soon, just not right now.

And there's nothing that you can do, not really, that will help you get what you want. You're at the mercy to something bigger, something mysterious.

The advice is: It takes time. Stop thinking about it. Just relax. Have fun. 

Seriously? Imagine saying that to someone who is depressed? To someone who has cancer? To someone who had a death in the family?

And all you can do is treat yourself gently. Be kind to you. Listen to your heart. Push to understand your pain. Work hard at cultivating the hope. Let yourself get down. Focus on making your body and heart and mind as healthy as possible.

Because there will be more struggle, fear and heartbreak. But then, there will be happiness. Happiness so great you wouldn't have the suffering any other way. 

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