she kicks

and now there is a little one in my belly.

they say she is a girl.
i turn to see another woman, with a teenaged daughter, how can it be that this could turn into me?
that i could be given
another life, a complex and demanding and loving living life?

she kicks.
every kick is a miracle.
and i don't believe in miracles.
but she is one, really. she is bigger than me. she already has overcome everything that i have overcome. she struggled against her own impossibility.

do i tell her where she was made?
that she is made from science?
she kicks again.

---

i used to not be afraid of dying.
but with her inside of me...


god, life can be so fucking scary.


---

with her inside of me
nothing else matters

---

but we are all still a bit too afraid to celebrate just yet.
mum tiptoes around her own excitement, keeping it it check,
afraid she will upset me.

i have never been happier in my life.